TMNT: April's Aroma
by Al's OTHER Account
Summary: Ok, this is it! Will April give in, or will the turtles be able to make it in time to save her? Final chapter!
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N-If you want a disclaimer, look at my profile. Aaaaaaanyway, I'm back! It'd been pretty much a year since I was last on this site with this particular account. And, I'm ready to get this party started with a bang! I'm a bit buzzed right now, but trust me, I can make it through, just read on. Oh, for you sensitive types, this is a HUMOR story, people WILL be OOC, not TERRIBLY OOC, but OOC, nonetheless.**_

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><p><em>It was a dark and stormy night—lol, I'm just kidding, hahaha. Anyway, we join April O'neal, who appears to be having a bit of an issue…<em>

She's at the local pharmacy, in the feminine products aisle. Dejectedly, she mumbled to herself, "Oooh, this is the 20th store I've checked today. I've been to all the grocery stores and pharmacies in the community, and I JUST can't FIND it."

She looks around the aisle again, but with a sense of hopelessness and embarrassment. She noticed all the angry stares she's been getting all day from various people as she walked past them and it was NO FUN.

The bus ride over was especially not pleasant, as she remembered that the bus has those cusion-y seats that, once she sat down, her eyes rolled in the back of her head and she almost fainted. The cushion from the seat effectively wafted her own…aroma back into her face and up her nostrils. She remembered her father warning her FOUR days ago to take a bath, but nooooo. SHE was too busy playing playstation and eating Doritos to do that and now she was paying the price.

She knew, inside, that regular soap wouldn't help much at THIS stage of the game. She knew that, if she used regular soap,-and she LOVED to use Dove soap—she knew that she'd just wind up smelling like an…an old onion covered in soap, UGH!

April KNEW she couldn't live with THAT kind of shame and humiliation—yeah, as if today wasn't already humiliating enough. She mumbled to herself "Oh, I smell like an old urinal! I KNOW master Splinter taught me BETTER than this, why did I let this happen? NOW it seems that NO store has any douche strong enough to…to MASK this!"

Just then, a middle-aged lady walked by her shaking her head and grimacing from the very obvious smell emanating from April's nether region.

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><p>Meanwhile, at a dark hideout underground, we have a man with a lot of metal on his face. He's talking to a couple of soldiers dressed in black…<p>

"Ah yes, my foot soldiers, you have done well. You have successfully stolen all of the douche from all of the stores on the surface! "

In a sinister voice, he says, "Now, with all of this douche, I shall have the world at my beck and call! And, in a few days, all shall witness my power! Especially since it is to be so hot! Think about it—the smell shall be UNBEARABLE! Even those wretched TURTLES won't be able to stop me!"

One of the soldiers asked, "Well, why not, master?"

Shredder smirked and replied, "Simple, my disciple—"

Shredder points to a giant screen that showed April searching helplessly for douche at a local pharmacy.

Shredder finally replies, "I want you all to get HER and bring her here! I have a…PLAN for this young lady! For I…will bring out her true potential! I will show her that she DOES have it in her to do my BIDDING!"

The foot clan and Shredder look at each other and start laughing hysterically.

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><p>Meanwhile, in the clean and glamorous New York sewer system, we come to the turtles' lair, in Splinter's study, where he's masturbat—er…um, I mean MEDITATING…<p>

Suddenly, his eyes opened and widened. Hehad this inexplicable feeling of doom and it caused his…um…rest to be disturbed. He said to himself, "I have this inexplicable feeling of doom and it has cause my…um…rest to be disturbed. _(Yeah, original aint' I?)_ And I feel that my old nemesis Saki is involved in this somehow!"

He quickly puts away his lotion and pulls his kimono back over his midsection and yells, "TURTLES, COME QUICK, I NEED YOU ALL—AT ONCE!"

So, the turtles all came running into Splinter's study, weapons drawn.

Leo asked, "What's wrong, master? We got here as quick as we can!

My sons, my old rival, Shredder is up to something, I can SENSE it!"

Donny replies, "Well, what's he up to, Sensei?

Splinter gently closed his eyes and answered, "That, I'm not entirely certain of, but I know for a FACT that it also involves April! Turtles, please find her immediately!"

Leo hurreidly answered, "Sure thing, Splinter! She'll be safe in our hands, C'mon, guys!"

The turtles turned and and started out of the lair. Splinter halted them and said, "Oh yeah, I also sensed that April hasn't exercised proper douching discipline—and this is MAJOR!"

Donny replied, "Oh NO! My little April isn't…clean?"

Raph rolled his eyes and answered, "You dummy, when is your green ass gonna' learn that she doesn't LIKE you like that?"

Donny replied, "Yes she does, only YOU guys can't see the beauty in our love we have for one another. Besides, I KNOW she likes this 'GREEN ASS' in my tight new jeans—complete with my sock—er, I mean TURTLE penis in front! —PENIS on the half-shell, bitches!

Raph shook his head and Leo replied, "We don't have TIME for this, we have to get going before Shredder gets his mitts on April!"

Splinter spoke up, "Be CAREFUL, my turtles!"

So, the turtles ran out of the lair and yelled "TURTLES FIGHT WITH HONOR!" in unison.

Splinter waited until the turtles left and quickly pulled his lotion back out and tossed his kimono off of his midsection. He smiled and grumbled to himself, "I'm glad my sons didn't notice my pitched tent in my kimono, I would've had to make up some kind of…of…karate/discipline mumbo-jumbo to explain it, WHEW!

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><p>To be continued…hope I'm not too rusty at this shit, here.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Like a bad case of herpes or a second-wave case of the shits-Here we go again!**

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><p>Raph asked, "Ok, what do you guys think ol' Shredder's up to THIS time?"<p>

Leo replied, "It could be anything, keep sharp!"

Mikey answered, "Yeah, the way we kicked his ass LAST time, I KNOW he's not happy! Hahahaha!"

As the turtles walk along the busy sidewalk, they came across a familiar face…

Raph said, "Hey guys, it's that Irma chick, maybe SHE knows where April is?

Donny winced and relied, "Oh no, you mean that girl with the breath that smells like 100 asses?"

Leo rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, c'mon, Donnie. 100 asses? She's not that bad!"

Mikey curled his upper lip and answered Hah! Easy for YOU to say—for SOME reason, YOU seem to always be able to get out of TALKING to her!

Raph then nodded his head in agreement. He said, "I hate to say this, because she seems like a sweet kid, but girlie needs a..a..Listerine blow-pop, or something!"

Mikey said, "Yah, TELL me about it, if I had any Scope-flavored Now and Laters, they'd be HERS, man!

Just then, the turtles and Irma approached each other. The turtles were still mumbling amongst themselves and as Irma got closer, Leo quickly quieted his brother, intensely whispering, ."SHH…guys, knock it off, here she is!"

Raph smiled and said, "HEEEEEY Irma! How ya' been, kiddo?"

Irma sighed and said, Well, I've been—"

Mikey, smelling her breath, and actually FEELING his mask melting a bit, quickly cuts her off, "—Uh yeah, we were wondering if you knew where April was."

Irma nodded and answered, "Sure, she's at her favorite drug store buying some douche. She was telling me earlier that her vag was PARTICULARLY rancid TODAY! To make matters worse, it's supposed to be 90 degrees and HUMID! Do you guys BELIEVE that? I'll tell ya'—"

Raph puts his hands over his ears and interrupts Irma, fearing that he's heard too much and starts singing over Irma's voice, "LAAAALAAAALAAALALALALALAAAAA—OKAAAAAY THANKS, IRMAAAAA!"

Leo nodded and said, "Uh, thanks, Irma. Guys, let's get going!"

Irma shrugged and watched them walk away toward April's favorite drugstore.

Leo said, "Ok guys, April's favorite drugstore is up about 12 blocks, still. We have to hurry.

Mikey tried to adjust his mask and said, "That chick's breath was ABOMINABLE, dudes! My mask is ACTUALLY starting to MELT!"

Donnie looked at Mike incredulously and answered, "WOW! It looks like you're crying ORANGE tears, hahahaha!"

Mikey replied, "SOME of those tears are REAL, dude. Why does her breath HAVE to smell like that? Like she has a..a…dogcrap-scented incense in her MOUTH, or something!"

Leo laughed a little and said, "C'mon, Mikey, we gotta' get going.

Donny spoke next, well, I AM wondering why she has morning breath and it's the AFTERNOON! Hell, I'm just glad hat, for once, she didn't have to use a lot of 'H-words', yeesh!"

Mikey added, "Yeah, or any SECRETS to tell—people with bad breath ALWAYS have secrets, for some reason.

Leo ignored Don and Mikey and said, "OK, we still have a ways to go, April's favorite pharmacy is still up like 12 blocks!"

So, the turtles groaned collectively and continued up the block toward the store.

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><p><strong>Meanwhile, underground…somewhere…<strong>

Shredder said to his troops, "Ok, my foot soldiers, go get that girl and bring her to me! "

5 of the foot soldiers bowed and immediately left to go on the surface.

Shredder pointed to three more soldiers, smiled and said, "Ok, you make the baked beans and you two bring in the super amplification device and get it running. When you are finished and that little girl is HERE, we shall ALL go to the surface, by THEN, it should be at LEAST 85 degrees, HAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

Shredder started passing out pills to each of the foot soldiers, "Here, take these, they're anti-quake and anti-smell pills, you'll need them later, hahahahaaaa! Okay, quick—go get her, she's still in that pharmacy!"

The foot left and went up to the surface. They're only a block away from the store. They busted in the place, April saw them and tried to fight them off, but one of them put a rag in her face with chloroform on it and she fainted. The soldiers looked around amongst the crowd, who were gasping and shrieking in horror, and hurriedly made their way out of the store and back underground.

A few minutes later, the turtles approach the store. Mikey looks up at the sign and said, "Haha…no WAAAY—this sign ACTUALLY says, 'April's favorite Pharmacy'! Check it out!"

Leo rolled his eyes and replied, "Mikey, It couldn't POSSIBLY say—oh damn, it actually DOES say_ 'April's favorite Pharmacy!'_"

Donny answered, "Yeah, this place opened about 5 weeks ago—apparently, most of the people that GO to this place are named April-but that's not the strangest part."

Raph furrowed his brow and asked, "Well what could be stranger than the NAME of this joint?"

Donny answered, "They ONLY sell feminine hygiene products!"

The other turtles just looked at each other before they entered the store.

Leo rubbed his temples in a circular motion, sighed, and said, "Ok guys, let's go in."

As they went in, Donny sniffed the air, as there was a faint green mist lingering around still. _*sniff sniff*_ Donny said, "Yep, she was HERE, alright, and, from , UGH, the smell of things, it wasn't that long ago, either!"

Raph expressed, "Yeah, it has that…smell to it. We've ALL heard of fish and chips—well this smells like fish and PISS, UGH! Hey Donnie boy, how do you like your girl NOW?"

Don answered, "Yeah, whatever."

Mike asked, "Yuck, what IS that, guys?"

The other turtles just looked at one another. Raph said, "You don't wanna' know, kid."

Leo looked around at the still-panicked crowd. He said, "We'll have to ask these people if they saw April and THEN, if they saw what HAPPENED to her."

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><p><em><strong>Meanwhile, in Shredder's underground lair…<strong>_

Shredder's sat in his metal recliner and the soldiers have returned with an unconscious April O'Neil.

Shredder stood up from his seat with a sinister smile and said, "WONDERFUL my soldiers, you've done WELL! NOW, ATTACH her to the amplification device and move it to the top of the Empire State building —at ONCE! In the meantime, I'll bring the baked beans, NYAHAHAHAHAAAA! Damn, it feels so good to be sooooo bad!"

So, the foot soldiers moved the machine—along with an unconscious FULLY-CLOTHED April _(for you sickos out there)_—to the center of the sewer system. April's strapped up, suspended in midair, with the machine attached directly below her, between her legs.

Shredder said, "Ok, take her to the ROOF of the Empire State building, I'll be up shortly!"

The foot clan bowed and did just that. Shredder soon joined them. Shredder approached April and dry-heaved at the smell of her vag, which was strong—even through her jeans.

Shredder ordered the foot to take both of the pills they'd all been given earlier and then, none of them could smell April's…aroma—or anything else, for that matter.

Shredder smiled evilly and said, "Foot, bring me the baked beans, and wake Ms. O'Neil up! The reason I want this girl is simply because she, in particular, has a rather...NOTORIOUS aroma to her, hahahaaaa!"

The Foot clan put some ice on April's feet and she started to stir a little. Her vision cleared up and Shredder came into focus.

April screamed, "OH NO!...IT'S SHREDDER! What do YOU want? The turtles will be here to kick your ASS!"

Shredder laughed, "Awww…Miss O'Neil, I've always loved your DROLE sense of humor, HAHAHAHAAAA!"

April answered, "Why am I tied up? UGH—I c-can't MOVE! What are you doing with me?"

Shredder smiled and said, "That's for me to know and YOU to WONDER about! Foot soldiers open her legs! It's the PERFECT temperature-it's a LOVELY humid 88 degrees right now-the city will SUFFER!"

The soldiers opened April's legs, of course, not being affected by the odor between them. April tried fighting them, but couldn't. April was suspended in midair, the amplification device fixated between her legs and aimed out toward the city.

Shredder said calmly, "Okay April O'Neil, you're gonna' tell me where the turtles' LAIR is—NOW, or ELSE!

April angrily retorted, "NEVER, and there's nothing you can do to MAKE me talk, either!"

Shredder replied, "Oh no, Ms. O'Neil? I'm gonna' make this city fall to its knees if you don't tell me NOW!"

April angrily replied, "NEVER, the turtles will stop you!"

Shredder answered, "ahaha…Miss O'neil…you're so CUTE when you're angry. Ok Foot soldiers, turn the machine on! You will LEARN not to defy me!"

April panicked and asked, "What- what are you DOING?"

The machine came on and a gentle 'humming' sound emanated from it. The green mist—along with the flies—that circulated around April's crotch area started blowing out into the city!

Within a couple minutes, cars were honking, accidents were occurring everywhere, and people were fainting. In fact, one couple walking directly below holding hands with one another broke up because the man had apparently thought his girlfriend stopped washing herself. He broke loose from her hand before the both of them fainted.

Shredder observed the chaos and laughed aloud, "HAHAHAHAAAA! YOU WORTHLESS PEOPLE, YOU WILL ALL LEARN OF MY POWER—AND TO THINK, MISS O'NEAL, YOU CAN BE A PART OF IT ALL! YAAAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

April's face had an expression of panic and concern on it as we fade to a commercial break…

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><p>AN—Oh NO, Shredder got April! What's happening to the turtles? I mean, there's chaos EVERYWHERE! Finally, what are the baked beans for? I don't know, but YOU can find out if you read my next chapter—I KNOW you like it.

.

_To be continued, simply because I __**KNOW**__ you can't get enough of this, here._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N-Yep, here we go again, with even more of this silliness. However, first, I'd like to apologize for my **_**r**__esponse_ **to the anonymous flame I received. I normally don't respond to anonymous flames, as they provide no useful advice on how I can improve, or any real opinion of actual value, but I was in kind of a "mood" that day anyway. And, you know, sometimes when you FEEL like that, sometimes even a petty little comment that you'd normally just shake off can just hit you the wrong way at the wrong time. Well, that happened to be one of those times, I'm afraid. This is also why I try not to post anything when I'm feeling "questionable". I think some of you can relate. It was also my FILTERED response, as I was ABOUT to respond VERY differently, lol. Well, anyway, I managed to get over it quick and now today, I'm finally finding the time to post another "chappie", so let the, lol, bloodbath continue...Oh, by the way, , with that said, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my biggest fan-"RAPHGIRL1026"—and all of her** **ilk! May God continue to bless and keep you.**

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><p><em><strong>Okay, we join up with the turtles, who are walking on the street…somewhere…<strong>_

_**.**_

Mikey sniffed and said, "Guys, what's that SMELL? It's the SAME one we smelled in the drugstore back there."

Raph snidely replied, "Oh that? That's from Donnie's 'woman'.

Donnie answered, "Hey, stop talking about my April like that!"

Leo said, "Guys, I think The smell's getting a bit stronger over this way, besides, look at all these people FAINTING!"

The turtles walked down the street and people were coughing, choking, wafting the smell away from them, hell, some were even spraying room deodorizer!

Donnie finally spoke up, "Guys, this is getting ridiculous, we GOTTA find the source of this SMELL! Likely, since this is the exact same smell from that drugstore, we can only GUESS that the source is…is…-"

Raph glares at Donnie and interrupted, "The damn source is APRIL—SAY it, Donnie! It's April! And if we follow this scent, we'll likely find the source—"

The other three turtles yelled in unison, "APRIL!"

Donnie, still in denial, gently closed his eyes and calmly replied, "Well, we don't know that for a FACT, now do we?"

Raph shook his head and said, "Donnie, for as smart as you ARE, you suuuuure can be stupid, sometimes. Guys, let's go, the smell's getting stronger over this way…look at all these people gasping for air and all these others who've passed out!"

The sidewalk and streets are littered with fallen people who've succumbed to the unruly combination of humidity and amplified vaginal odor that has taken over the air.

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><p><em><strong>Meanwhile, on the roof of the Empire State building, we rejoin Shredder, April, and some foot soldiers…<strong>_

April angrily yells, "I'LL NEVER TELL YOU, SHREDDER! YOU'LL NEVER FIND THE TURTLES' LAIR IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT!"

Shredder, frustrated, answers, " Damnit, this has gone on for an HOUR, now! She's not cracking. Ok, foot soldiers-time for phase 2. Bring the baked beans over here!"

One of the soldiers bowed and carried the dish of beans over to Shredder. Shredder leaned in toward April and calmly asked, "Oh, Miss O'Neeeeeeeeeeeeeilllll…"

April, still squirmed in her seat answered, "UGH, what are you DOING, you…you…SICKO?!"

Shredder replied, "I hope you're hungry because I have some…uh…FRUIT for you, MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

April said, "What? What do you MEAN by 'FRUIT', you CREEP?!"

Shredder answered, "Come now, miss O'Neil—this is going to be DELICIOUS!"

"What do you MEAN, Shredder!?"

Shredder smirked and stroked his chin. He said, "Hmm...when I was a little ninja, they had …a…RHYME associated with this 'fruit offering' I have in store for you. Umm, How did it go? THAT'S right—'Beans beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you—well, YOU get the message!"

April complained, "What? That's SICK, you heathen!"

Shredder smiled and replied, "Heeeey… so I've graduated from 'creep' to 'HEATHEN'? MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

Shredder continued, "NOW, miss O'neil, with my amplification device in full operation underneath you, I shall feed you these beans and when you expel the, ahem, 'TOOT', this city will be brought to its KNEES!"

April angrily replied, "Shredder, you are the lowest of the low! The turtles will stop you!"

Shredder answered, "Oh, you mean those rotten mutants? I don't see them AROUND! Foot soldiers, open her mouth!"

Two foot soldiers approached April and one took off her left sneaker as well as her sock. Another solder pulled a feather from out of his pocket and gave an evil grin as the one soldier holding the pan of beans was standing next to April, ready with a spoonful of beans. The soldier with the feather started tickling April's feet …

April started laughing uncontrollably and said, "Hahahaha…STOP!...HAHAHAAAAHAHA—STOP….HEEEELP…HAHAHAHAHAAAAA, THE HAHAHA…TURTLES WILL BE HERE HAHAHAHAAAA SOON, AHAHAHAHAAAA!"

Just then, the foot soldier shoved the spoonful of beans into April's mouth. In fact, HE KEPT shoving spoonfuls down her throat until baked bean juice was running down her chin. She couldn't help BUT to swallow the beans. She must've swallowed like 7 spoonfuls, in fact. Meanwhile, The temperature just kept rising as well as the humidity, which, of course, made the existing smell only that much stronger.

Shredder smiled and said, "Ok, my disciples, now we WAIT a few minutes. The humidity's beautiful, isn't it?...

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><p><em><strong>Meanwhile, we rejoin the turtles…<strong>_

Mikey, starting to feel a little queasy, asked, "Where IS she? We've been walking around FOREVER! This…SMELL combined with this HUMIDITY is starting to GET to me! I'm starting to not feel so good!"

Leo answered, "C'mon Mikey, you can do it! We HAVE to do it and just hope that nothing WORSE happens in the meantime. Let's continue on, guys!"

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><p><em><strong>Ok, let's go back to Shredder and the gang…<strong>_

Shredder asked, "Ok, did everyone take the anti-quake pills from earlier? Good, let's get ready, it should only be a few more moments!

So, a few more minutes pass and shredder turns the volume knob on the amplification device up one more number. Just then, April's stomach started rumbling…

April asked, "Hey, why is my stomach so…queasy? EWWWW!"

Shredder grinned and rubbed his hands together evilly. He yelled, "YESSSSSS…YESSSSSSSSS, HAHAHAHAAAAAA!"

April felt a strong pressure building up in her hind-parts. She tried her best to hold it in, and Shredder noticed. He said, "Don't try to fight it, Miss O'Neil! If you have to do it, then DO IT! HAHAHAHAAAA—It's only NATURAL, after ALL! HAH!"

Just then, she let out a fart so loud, you'd have thought she worked in a car mechanic's shop...

BWERRRRRRRRRRNT...BWIP...FFFFFFT

It could be heard all across the NYC skyline.

When the smell passed her, her eyes seemed to automatically cross from the lethal combination of her unfortunate crotch smell and the gas she's just expelled. Come to think of it, when she let it out, the ground started to shake violently, nearby buildings began to crumble—except the building that they were on, of course _(hey, it's a damn CARTOON, it ain't real, no matter HOW you try to justify it.)_

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><p><em><strong>Let's join the turtles…<strong>_

After the quake, all four turtles exclaimed "WHOOOOOAAAAH!"

Leo, wided-eyed, asked, "What? What-what was that NOISE?! Where'd that earthquake come from?"

Donny replied, "Ugh, I dunno, but for SOME unknown reason, it suddenly smells like_…*sniff, sniff*_…garlic!"

Mikey sniffs and says, "No, I gotta' correct you , there, Donnie—it smells like…*sniff, sniff** FART and garic!"

Just then, another quake hit. There were people screaming, cars honking, buildings collapsing, people falling and holding onto fixed structures as best they could.

Donnie pointed out, "Wow, these quakes keep hitting like, every 10 seconds! How can we stop them? "

Leo answered, "I don't know, guys, be we GOTTA' find a way! I'm sick of falling on my shell!

Mikey screamed, "HEEEELP, HELP ME UP—I CAN'T GET BACK UP!

Mikey was lying directly on the back of his shel, spinning around, legs and arms up in the air and unable to reach the ground.

The other three turtles rushed over to mikey and helped him get upright.

Mikey yelled, "BOOYAKASHA! DAMN, that was a HEAVY quake!"

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><p><strong>Meanwhile, up on the roof, we rejoin Shredder…<strong>

Shredder says, "AH, so it appears that my beans have given Miss O'Neil here some…uh…GAS, HAHAHAHAAAA!"

April grimaces and angrily spouts, "Why'd you give me the FARTS, Shredder? That's SICK! And did you use GARLIC? I can SMELL it, you FIEND!"

Shredder smiled and replied, "Of COURSE I used GARLIC! What cook in their right mind DOESN'T use garlic in baked beans? Now, "Miss O'Neil, do you not see the beauty of my plan? The longer you hold out, young lady, the more the city will SUFFER! Now that you have such a case of gas, the quakes that YOU cause every few seconds will ONLY serve to achieve my goal of wearing you down and then you WILL tell me where the turtles' lair is! MWAHAHAHAAAAAH!

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><p>Oh wow, the turtles are starting to duffer along with the rest of the city! Will they make it in time to stop Shredder and keep the city from falling apart? Will they also remember to bring some Gas-X for April? Find out in the next chapter!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N-Ok, I'm back with the last chapter of this…story, here, lol.**

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><p><em><strong>Ok, we rejoin the turtles, who seem to be getting closer to the Empire State building, however, they're still a good ways away and STILL—the "earthquakes" continue…<strong>_

_**.**_

Leo asked, "Damn, guys, how are we gonna' get rid of this odor and stop all these quakes?"

Raph answered, "Shell if I know, oh fearless leader!"

Suddenly Donny's T-phone started ringing…

"uh hello?"

"Hello, my son!"

"Splinter! Hey guys, it's sensei!" Sensei, do you have any ideas on how to fix this issue? People are passing out, suffocating, buildings are crumbling and falling, and the city streets are LITTERED with cars! Not to mention that it smells like a public restroom up here!"

Splinter replied, "Yes, I'm aware of the danger, Donatello. It smells like cooch, ass, and GARLIC down here, my son."

Donny replied, "Well, what can we DO, master? The city can't take too much more of this!"

Splinter calmly replied, "Donatello, try using your HEAD!"

Donny answered, "'Using my HEAD'? What do you MEAN, sensei?"

Splinter said, "I want you to THINK! Did you forget your A.S.S.?

Donny smiled broadly and smacked his head. Excitedly, he said, "Of COURSE! Hoe could I have been so FORGETFUL!? Thanks, sensei! We should be able to EASILY solve this, NOW!"

"You are WELCOME my s—"

Donny hung up the phone before Splinter could close the call on HIS end.

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><p>Meanwhile, in the turtles' lair, Splinter just starts at the phone and mumbles to himself, "I SHOULD call his ass BACK and ask him to hand me my remote! But, naaaah—the city's in trouble, I GUESS that's more important right now. Ah well, looks like I'll just have to watch 'Wheel of Fortune' until the turtles get back and then I'll have them change the channel so I can watch 'Maury'—I need to know if DuQuan or Shawn is the father of LaQuisha's baby.—for this shall be her FOURTH visit to the show! Boy, is she a filthy whore or WHAT? DAMN!"<p>

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><p><strong>Ok, back to the turtles…<strong>

**.**

Leo asked, "What did sensei say?"

Donny answered, "Hm, I totally FORGOT about this!" Donny started patting the back of his shell, like he was searching for something.

Mikey replied, "Hey, uh…Donnie—if your butt itches, you should just scratch it. I only pat MY shell if I've eaten jalapeño pizza and my butt is burning—patting tends to work better, then."

Donnie shook his head and said, "No, no—this is what master Splinter was talking to me about! I'm looking for my A.S.S.!"

Leo furrowed his brow and asked, "Ummm…you're a.S.S.? What, did you LOSE it or something?"

Donny glared at Leo momentarily and replied, "You know, for the leader of this jaunt, you SURE can be an idiot, sometimes. No, what I'm talking about is my A.S.S.—my Automatic Supervillain Surveillance device!"

The other three turtles said, "OHHHHH, NOW I get it!"

Donny rolled his eyes and said, "DUH, Guys. C'mon, let's go! According to the device, Shredder is up ahead a few blocks. Oh, here, guys!"

Don then passed out 3 pocket-sized devices.

Raph asked, "What the shell are THESE things?"

Donny replied, " Oh, attach them on the back of your shells,, they're pocket-rockets!"

Raph shook his head and said, "You know, you sure do come up with some interesting names for your inventions, boy genius."

Mikey chimed in, "Yeah, remember that thing you have in your lab? You know, that thing you use to make the pizza sauce with? What do you call it, again?

Donny contentedly says, "Well, for your information, I CALL it the T.A.M.P.O.N.—the tomato Automated Making-Pizza Oven Novowave!"

Mikey shrugged and said, "Well, YOU say 'tomato', and I say 'Hamato'"!

Raph just simply replied, "Shut up, Mikey."

So the turtles quickly ran up to the Empire State building and attaced the "Pocket Rockets" onto the back of their shells. They press the activation button and they all launch up to the top of the building.

At the time they were launching to the top of the building, there was a street musician playing the saxophone with a clothespin on his nose witnessing this. He started playing the turtles' theme song on his tenor saxophone as they made their way into the air.

Meanwhile, Shredder is still torturing the city with his April-induced quakes and smell. Shredder looked up and saw the turtles flying up on the roof. He points to them and yells, "FOOT SOLDIERS, ATAAAAAAAACK!"

Leo pulled out his blades and said, "Don't worry guys, I'll handle THIS!"

He ran over and started spinning around, cutting all the foot soldiers in half, as Shredder ran to a corner of the roof and watched helplessly.

Leo got done and pointed a blade at Shredder. Shredder raised his arms and let out a high pitched sqeal—like a little girl and ran and jumped off of the roof as the other turtles freed April.

April asked, "What KEPT you guys?"

Don shrugged and answered, "I forgot I had my A.S.S.—that's all."

April playfully punched Don and replied, "How about I forget YOUR a.S.S. the next time I get some PIZZA?"

Wth that, they all had a hearty laugh. Donny quickly remembered, "Oh shit—RAPH, KILL THAT AMP DEVICE! Raph ran over and shoved his sai into the amplification device, effectively destroying it. Within the next few hours, the smell faded and people started recovering.

The turtles and April peered over the side of the building where Shredder jumped off and they didn't see anything. Leo dejectedly said, "Dammit—I KNEW he'd get away again, somehow."

Raph replied, "Meh, don't worry. As predictable as HIS ass is, we'll see him again.

April was standing right next to Mike and Mikey was wafting some of her…funk away from him, as she still smelled like a urinal and STILL had a case of the farts.

Mikey said, "Guys, do any of you have any Beano or Gas-X for April, here?"

Donny answered, "Oh, SURE, I have some Beano in my shell!"

Raph smirked and asked, "Do you mean to tell me that you ALWAYS keep BEANO in your shell?"

Don shrugged and said, "Oh, SURE—it's especially handy when I have baked bean pizza! Oh, and here's some douche and liquid soap for YOU, April."

April smiled and said, "Oh THANKS, you guys—hey wait—are you trying to say I STINK, Donnie?"

Donnie blushed and said, "Well, I-I…um, uh…I hope you feel better, soon, April! We LOVE you! C'mon guys, let's get the shell outta' here!"

April just swallowed the Beano and held the soap and douche while just glaring at the turtles as they scurried off the roof.

Shaking her fist, April yelled, "HEY YOU GUYS—YOU GET BACK HERE!"

* * *

><p><strong>Later on that evening…<strong>

April finally made it home, she was heating up some pizza with chocolate sprinkles and vanilla frosting and she hadn't bathed or douched YET. It had been an hour since she's arrived home so it'd be pretty safe to say that, with the humidity still reigning supreme outside, she had her dad's apartment lit the fuck UP!

Just as she took her pizza out of the oven, her dad came in the front door. He said, "Honey, I'm hooooome!"

He took a couple of sniffs and grimaced noticeably. He mumbled to himself, "Damn, it smells like…pussy in here—NASTY pussy, at that! APRIIIILLLL! GET YOUR ASS IN THIS LIVING ROOM RIGHT NOW!"

April hurried into the living room and asked, "Oh hey dad! How was your day—"

He interrupted, "-DON'T give me that! It smells like SEX…and pizza in here! Have you been fucking, young lady!?"

April looked horrified, "Why-why NO—No, I haven't!"

Her dad continued, "It was that turtle with the purple mask, wasn't it? WASN'T IT!? I never DID like the way he looked at you—besides, you know his green ass ain't allowed over here, anyway! Hmm…perhaps it—wait-Was it that perverted Casey Jones kid!? HUH!? HUH!? He's always leaving his porn over here, thinking I won't find that shit!"

April replied, "No, no-NEITHER! It's just…that…uh…I haven't had a chance to-to…CLEAN myself, yet!"

With that, her dad suddenly calmed down. He let out a sigh of relief, smiled and said, "oh, ok then. Well, try to take care of that asap, ok, honey? My boss and his wife and kids are coming over tonight.

April rolled her eyes and shook her head. She whispered, "UGH, I WISH he wouldn't overreact all the damn time! YEESH!"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, the turtles were just making their way back in their lair and Splinter was in his recliner in his study. Don was in his lab and Raph, Mikey, and Leo were all huddled in front of the TV. He asked Leo, "Uh, Leo?<p>

"Yes, what is it, Sensei?"

"Uh…could you hand me the remote, please? I MUST see the 'Maury' show!"

Leo looked at his other two brothers and asked, "Um, couldn't you ask Raph or Mikey? They're right in front of the TV."

Splinter reaches down and grabs a flyswatter. He leans forward in his chair and swats Leo's head with it.

"OWWWW! Sensei!"

Splinter replied, "But I asked YOU to hand me the remote."

Leao rolled his eyes, got up, sighed, and tossed the remote to Splinter."

Splinter caught the remote, glanced up at Leo as if to say 'who do you think YOU are?'. Splinter dropped the remote and aggressively repeated to Leo, "I said HAND me the remote, my son.

Leo rolled his eyes and got up again. He picked up the remote from off the floor and HANDED the remote to Splinter, who just looked at him. Splinter said, "Wait Leonardo.

Splinter had a full glass of lemonade and just drank it down quickly . He smiled a little and asked Leo, "uh…leonardo, could YOU—YES YOU-get me some more lemonade—WITH ice?"

Leo sighed and mumbled obscenities to himself as he left toward the kitchen. Splinter stretched back in his recliner and smiled contentedly.

Leo thought to himself, _"Dammit—this day was already tough enough. No—wait, I'm the leader of the turtles. I shouldn't be acting like this. But meh, fuggit—I don't LIKE being bossed around."_

Leo went to get some ice from the freezer and he accidentally dropped a couple cubes on the sewer floor. He picked them up, smiled to himself and put them in Splinter's glass. He reached in the fridge and poured the lemonade and then, with a strange cheerfulness, brought the lemonade to Splinter. Splinter said, "Ahh, thank you my son! You have done well today—you have saved the city, you've rescued April, and, most importantly, you've brought me my lemonade and my remote—what more could a sensei ask for?"

Leo bowed and replied, smiling, "Ah, my pleasure, master!"

Leo left the room and splinter sipped his lemonade and coughed a little. He felt something caught in his teeth, like a hair and a couple crumbs. He sucked them out of his teeth and looked at the entrance the Leo just left out of with a confused look on his face.

* * *

><p>The End.<p>

* * *

><p>AN—I'd like to thank you ALL for taking the time to read/review this. I love you ALL! I truly do—and YES, It's in that creepy, van-with-no-windows-parked-in-front-of-a-secondary-school-stalker-ish kind of way, too. May God bless you, lol!


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